Norms change around us constantly; what we wear, what we eat, how active we are and the list goes on and on…and on. Our mechanical transport machines are no different. If you are in Australia, what you have, no doubt, seen over the past few years is the incredible increase of SUVs. I, for one, am not a big fan. Especially for someone who loves and rides (read: rode) motorcycles, SUVs have been the bane of my very existence. When I am Prime Minister…

…I digress. What I am trying to say is SUVs have captured the hearts and minds of fellow Australians and fast becoming the cornerstone of this decade but are we ready to kill off our beloved wagon of yester-years? Can we let go of the versatility, the loyalty, and the generosity our wagons offered? I would proudly like to announce that one company still says NO! Welcome everyone, to the Skoda Octavia RS 169 TSI!

I don’t own one of these so the guys at Lennock Skoda in Phillip, Canberra, have hooked me up with one for a few days. Hats off to a bunch of genuine guys. Now, I was, quite understandably, under strict instructions not to ruin the paint…or the car. So I put it through its paces in my everyday activities. I know the pictures don’t suggest this but bear with me.

Before I get into why SUV drivers have a serious choice on their hand, let me confess my love for the Octavia RS and tell you that this car is mindbogglingly fantastic (when fully optioned). What this car is…is the greatest Christmas present EVER, wrapped in a table cloth. Some may look at it and feel disappointed but once you get into it, you would bite off the hands of anyone who wants to take it from you. So what is so good about it?

Take Me Away

What I first noticed about how this thing moves or really the car in general, is how smoothly it delivers its power and how well that power translates to movement. It feels like an ox that has mastered equestrian. The 2 litre turbo-charged engine is a very capable unit. It’s no bruiser, but it’s not a slouch either. Coupled with a DSG gearbox, it’s deceivingly quick. And I mean REALLY deceiving; the engine noise is so minimal in the cabin, the revs don’t match up to the noise you hear so I was never sure how hard the engine was working without really looking at the tacho.

Then there are the gear-shifts; the changes in any of the modes just before you hit sport are so smooth it would put a baby’s bottom to shame. I have never driven a DSG gearbox before and always thought it would be a bit on the gimmiky side, always interfering with how I want the car to change gears. Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised. For those of you who are not too familiar with DSG gearboxes, essentially what the gearbox does is it almost predicts the next gear you are going to need and gets it ready so the changeover is smooth; think of it as a super-fly butler for your gears.

The ride and comfort depends on the driving mode that best takes your fancy. You have ECO, COMFORT, NORMAL, and SPORT to choose from and the modes are easy enough to choose; just cycle through them using the VRS (or RS, I always get confused what this is called) button. In everyday automatic driving, you can engage sport mode really quickly by pulling down on the gear-stick once, if you have the sudden urge to go on a speed rampage. In Eco and Comfort mode, the car bumbles along with a soft ride, but because I am used to my 86 and the wife’s Alfa, my preference is the Normal mode.

If you want a bit more of a feisty setup you can choose Sport, which makes the car more revvy..and aggressivey but even in Normal mode you can throw it around tight corners on bordering legal speeds and the Octavia just glides through. It’s almost regal, something I was not expecting from a car that is about $55K-ish drive away with the necessary “optional” extras (we will talk about that a bit later).

Geoffrey, Snap to It!

What makes this car special are the driver-assist extras. You will need, and yes if you are going to buy this car you will NEED, the tech pack AND the luxury pack, AND the panoramic sunroof AND the tailgate automated closing button thing; what is roughly 7K extra. And let me tell you why you need these. Without them, the car is good but not as good as it is destined to be. And It is destined to be that Ramone or Maria who caters for your every need. What you get for that price is, active cruise control, lane assist, automatic tailgate thing, blind spot monitoring, suede on the seats, and a Canton, yes folks CANTON, sound system with a tremendously awesome infotainment unit. There are plenty more that comes in these packs. If you don’t get these, 10 minutes into your first drive, you will wish you had. Sure, it’s a lot of Australian plastic bills or monetary digits you are handing over, but they are worth it! Go to any other brand and they will slap you with a bill so long, you may have to choose between the car or the extras without the car.

Once you have all this tech and luxury, the car really indulges you. It nudges you along when you are not the most alert, the sound from the speakers is like a tub of Nutella that never runs out, and that sunroof opens up the heavens your are driving underneath. Once you are in there, you will never want to come out. But then again, you may never want to come out because the front of the Octavia looks like that friend in high-school you avoided because they wore glasses that could see through your soul and teeth-braces that are plotting to take over the world.

Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder

But, you know what? I don’t mind the looks. Honestly, you have to stare long and hard at this car and it will grow on you. You will see past the lights that make it look like a wombat that has been hit in both eyes with a battle-axe and you will see past the gaudy grill that wants to hide in the dark black paint but the car simply refuses to have it. Over time you will find that it is a bit of a bulldog; it’s not the cutest thing on the block but you will love it anyway.

The tail of this car is, I admit even with the LED tail-lights, a bit average. My wife looked at the back of the Octavia and said it doesn’t excite her…making me wonder what she thinks of my toosh. I will concede it does not inspire awe, but neither does any other behind of any wagon or SUV, bar maybe the Range Rover and Jaguar F-Pace; those would definitely excite my wife…I am guessing.

There is not much to say about the looks of the car. You will love it or you will hate it but I like it better than most other cars in the market; the important thing is that this car is more function over form. I reverse parked the car in our garage which has a ginormous wall-cabinet on the rear wall and the tailgate opened without a worry; I would have worried with other wagons or SUVs. It was a moment like where Godzilla comes out of the water to rip through buildings and other monsters but then it decides that he would rather take an off-day and just relax. Ok, maybe that last analogy was a bit laboured but you get the point; it was uneventful.

It’s not beautiful but it’s man’s best friend, if that best friend could be a car instead of a dog. It’s huggable, keeps you warm, and keeps you safe.

Save her Lassie!

The safety tech in this car is what amazed me the most. It has maneuver brake assist which will keep you from crashing into the car in-front of you, blind-spot monitoring to let you know a car is right next to you, and active cruise control to manage speed. I know these are all optional extras but as I said before, you WILL need them. As I was reversing out of a car park, it even let me know that a car is coming from the left!

I then drove it around in an underground car park that had lots of those raised concrete barriers you can’t see over the steering wheel and usually scares the hell out of you (read me); the sensors all around the car told me when I was getting too close. Granted the sensors can be a bit too sensitive at times but I would rather not scrape the wheels or crash into those concrete sh#ts. If you don’t know what I am talking about, just ignore me; I am weird. I just think most car-park designers are horrid evil sadistic pricks.

But by far the craziest thing about this car was the lane assist. At the risk of upsetting the guys at Lennock, I will admit this. I drove the car on a deserted highway at night while going home from an Executive Forum my company organised (imagine my pride while I drove away from that in a pretty awesome Skoda I was reviewing). I made sure there were no cars around and I let go of the steering wheel ever-so-slightly, my fingers millimeters off just in case, and the car basically drove itself across what was almost a kilometer (could have been longer but I chickened out) stretch, dead-centre of the lane! I am not recommending anyone try this but this system is unbelievable. You have to understand, this is a 50-ish thousand dollar car that is able to lane-assist like a boss.

I like me a tall drink

Now, SUV roadies and groupies will no doubt sneer at the Octavia and mock that it is too much of a wannabe performance wagon and clearly inadequate for the modern family. To these naysayers, I would beg for them to get off their high horses (or hatchbacks on stilts) and give the Octavia a chance. When Skoda says “Skoda, Simply Clever”, it’s not just a throw-away line from their marketing geniuses but seems to be a mantra they uphold. Skoda designs cars with the family, and I mean the modern and smart family, in mind.

Sure, with the Octavia, you don’t get to tower over other motorists and sit above the clouds but what you do get is more space, clever little touches everywhere, and loads of safety. Have a ton of gear to load into the boot, no problem. Three kids to fight in the back, easy done. Make sure your dog is safely tethered on long drives, bam, have a dog harness. Need a torch in the dark, just unhook it from the boot. It’s raining and raindrops just melt you, well, Skoda has thought about that too!

Love me like you do

I can go on and on about how practical this car is or how good Skoda services seem to be or how you will most likely have peace of mind with a 5 year warranty but I think by now it’s pretty clear that I can’t fault the car much. My only issue when I was driving around doing whatever it is that I do is that I felt the safety tech could take away from the driving experience a bit. I love driving so I like me a car that lets me drive and be me. I am all about the rawness of an experience; screw those autonomous driving fanboys (yeah I said it!).

I will, however, come clean and admit that I started writing this review about 11 months ago. And in that time I may have warmed up to the idea of this Octavia. Maybe “warmed-up” is an understatement. I have had almost a year to stew on this; and I may have over-stewed a bit but bear with me. Looking back at it and considering that we may now need to replace the Alfa (I will write about it in another article/post), I really can’t look past this. The drive, the tech, the space, and the looks…really grows on you. Some may call this love, others may call it obsession bordering on stalking. I see her face everywhere I go now, and no matter how much time I spend on Carsales like a car-pervert, I can’t seem to find anything else that competes.

Thanks again to the guys at Lennock Skoda in Canberra who lent me the car (about a year ago). I may be visiting them in the near future.